Laid to Rest

We were finally ready to do the burial. I printed out a prayer that I wrote and one that I found online, and my in-laws stayed with our son as we set off into the forest.

Under other circumstances, it would have been a lovely trip. The weather was not like December. It felt like a summer morning. We parked the truck and headed into the forest, off trail, just looking for the right spot.
I saw these rocks from about 100 feet below, so we hiked up to the top of the hill. Just past these rocks, at the very top of the hill, we found the right spot.

This little clearing of only moss beside a stump sat in a pool of sunlight. It was perfect.

I silently watched as he dug the hole. Then I said a prayer. 

First, this one I found online:

 My Lord, the baby is dead!

 Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

 “Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.

 You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

 I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.

And I said my prayer I wrote:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today we lay our baby to rest and

entrust to your care a life conceived in love.

As we mourn the death of our child,

we place ourselves in your hands

and ask for strength, for healing, and for love.

In Christ’s name we pray, Amen. 

He feels better now. He said he feels closure. I can't shake the feeling we accidentally left something important behind in the forest. I suppose for me it may take a little longer.